ORGASMIC GAP WHY DO WE PRETEND?

ORGASMIC GAP ARE WE PRETENDING?

Contents: Orgasmic gap Shall we pretend? 

Raise your hand who has not faked at least one orgasm . If you look around you, real or metaphorical, chances are that the majority of people raising their hands are women, especially if they are straight.

So women really have a harder time having an orgasm or what is going on?

In 2017 the condom brand Durex conducted a  study on orgasm in the Netherlands and Belgium. 75% of the women surveyed said they did not have an orgasm during sex , 75%! While in men it was 28% . Which is to say that three out of four women did not have an orgasm during their sexual intercourse, but this is not something unique to the Netherlands or Belgium.

Another study published in 2018 in the US, conducted on more than 50,000 people, indicated that heterosexual men have orgasms in their sexual relations 95%, followed by homosexual men 89%, bisexual men 88%, bisexual women 66% and finally women heterosexual 65%, of homosexual women, the results are not known. Wow. Could this be something recent?

the same conclusion is always reached, and that is that it is always the woman who is below in the percentages relative to orgasms. And this is the orgasmic gap.

Nor, according to various studies from 2011, 2013 and 2014 that interviewed women and men, they indicated that heterosexual women have orgasms in their sexual relations by 61.6%, homosexual women 74.7%, bisexual women 58%, heterosexual men 85.5%, men homosexual 84.7% and bisexual men 77.6%.

Whatever the study, and in the year it is, with slight variations in the percentages, the same conclusion is always reached, and that is that it is always the woman who is below the percentages relative to orgasms. And this is the orgasmic gap.

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But why? what's going on?

Nothing new, on  August 8 the International Day of Female Orgasm is celebrated to vindicate, give visibility and voice to something that has been and continues to be silenced. The pleasure of women. It has been celebrated since 2006 , taking into account that the oldest evidence of the use of the wheel dates back to 3,500 BC and the international day of the female orgasm is since 2006, it leaves the visibility of orgasm at the gates of adolescence female, nothing more and nothing less than 13 years old.

But why don't they say if they like it or not? Why do women fake orgasms?

Unfortunately, on many occasions women fake orgasms, there is no single reason , each person is different, but in general, there are reasons that have to do with gender and that tend to be repeated.

On the one hand, to create an image of themselves in which they enjoy sexual intercourse, “I make you enjoy it", so that in this way the sexual partner is satisfied. Which simplifies it to not hurting the other person's ego. Woman caregiver occurs in the vast majority of cases in heterosexual relationships, where education directed towards women makes them prefer to put men's satisfaction before their own pleasure, which relegates it to the background.

“I do that you make me enjoy", so that in this way the sexual partner is satisfied and not hurt the ego of the other person.

In addition, on many occasions it starts from ignorance itself, where due to not knowing what gives her pleasure and that she has not obtained it herself, she cannot communicate it. Or sometimes, even knowing it, they do not communicate it for fear of judgments, or that by putting their pleasure before the couple is dissatisfied. So it seems that it is better to pretend or not to say anything many times for fear of abandonment, or to please, which causes self-satisfaction to be neglected.

 

Sex education towards women

The education aimed at women is from the disconnection with our body , with our pleasure, which makes us obtain satisfaction with other aspects of sexuality that do not focus on orgasmic pleasure, such as intimacy, trust, proximity … and This, added to the fact that we learn to expect less pleasure, makes it the perfect combo for resignation. “One look is enough." 

And it is that in many occasions the idea is maintained that it is necessary to carry out sexual practices yes or yes, although perhaps they are not as satisfactory as legend has it . And if they are not pleasant, it must be because “I am doing something wrong" because I should like it, so that it is insisted on instead of thinking that if I do not like it, I can do something else. And this means that intercourse on many occasions has very little to do with sexual satisfaction, but that it is still the practice that is given the most importance.

Not having an orgasm is not a problem as long as it happens as something specific , and you can stop having sex at any time you want, without having to pretend that you have already had an orgasm to justify that you can end the sexual relationship.

The normalization of sexual practices that do not take into account the reality of the bodies of most women explains this gap. Here we find a major obstacle to enjoying sexual practices , all studies indicate that most people with a clitoris have an orgasm with practices other than intercourse or simultaneous to it, which usually involve contact with the glans of the clitoris. In fact, there are people who reach orgasm with the stimulation of the nipples since these also have many nerve endings. Not having an orgasm is not a problem as long as it happens as something specific, and you can stop having sex at any time you want, without having to pretend that you have already had an orgasm to justify that you can end the sexual relationship.

How long does a sexual relationship have to last?

According to various studies, heterosexual couples tend to have sexual intercourse lasting between 15-30 minutes, and homosexual women for 30-60 minutes. Despite the fact that homosexual women have fewer orgasms than men, they spend more time having sexual intercourse, and precisely this has to do with the fact that when there is no penis there is no possibility of enjoyment if there is no erection.

In a “conventional" heterosexual sexual relationship, everything that is done before sexual intercourse is called preliminaries and everything afterwards does not even have a name and is often non-existent.

When intercourse is not essential as is the case with people who do not have a penis, a thousand doors are opened to the pleasure of everyone who participates. Destroying this belief can not only increase the pleasure of cis men's sexual partners , because they may neither need nor want to stop, when there is no possibility of intercourse. It can also open other options to cis men, who may find that their body has the frontier of pleasures far beyond what the coitocentric culture has led us to believe.

Why do women fake orgasms?

sexuality blog sex blog pretend orgamos

On many occasions women fake orgasms, there is no single reason, each person is different, but in general, there are reasons that have to do with gender and that tend to be repeated. On the one hand, to create an image of themselves in which they enjoy sexual intercourse, “I make you enjoy it", so that in this way the sexual partner is satisfied. Which simplifies it to not hurting the other person's ego. Woman caregiver occurs in the vast majority of cases in heterosexual relationships, where education directed towards women makes them prefer to put men's satisfaction before their own pleasure, which relegates it to the background. In addition, on many occasions it starts from ignorance itself, where due to not knowing what gives her pleasure and that she has not obtained it herself, he cannot communicate it. Or sometimes, even knowing it, they do not communicate it for fear of judgments, or that by putting their pleasure before the couple is dissatisfied.

How long does a sexual relationship have to last?

Sexuality Blog - Premature Ejaculation

According to various studies, heterosexual couples tend to have sexual intercourse lasting between 15-30 minutes, and homosexual women for 30-60 minutes. Despite the fact that homosexual women have fewer orgasms than men, they spend more time having sexual intercourse, and precisely this has to do with the fact that when there is no penis there is no possibility of enjoyment if there is no erection.

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