Couples therapy: We are bad, do we need it?
You have been on the tightrope for a while …
There is distance, coldness …
You come home and you look like roommates …
The passage of time is not improving things, but they are getting worse …
And when you speak, any small discrepancy ignites the flame of conflict.
Does this situation sound familiar to you? Perhaps the time has come to seek professional help: a Couples Therapy .
What is the Couple?
Union of two individuals, two biographies, two personalities, under the shelter of an affective bond that decide to undertake a path together, a path not without challenges and difficulties that we do not always know how to face (coexistence, personal spaces, parenthood, job aspirations …) and all this without losing sight of the fact that “one plus one” has to add up to more than two.
It is curious how being the couple the most common way of life in our society (at least during one stage of it), we are not educated in being a " healthy couple " and we come to it with our “backpacks", waiting for it to be magically lighten by simply sharing them. And let's face it… If it is difficult for us to take responsibility for our inner world, it will be difficult for us to take care in addition to the other. Of course, and although it sounds cliché, the more balance there is in us, the better the conditions will be to be as a couple and the more we love ourselves, the more love we can give.
In this sense, we couples therapists have an important mission:
Assist in the process of self – knowledge of each individual and the r esponsabilización of your emotions
Since in the couple, we tend to put the focus outside and blame the other that we feel in one way or another.
Phrases like: “You make me suffer", “You drive me out of my boxes" …
They are very common in couples, but they start from a wrong base: No one can make you suffer (in the same way that no one can make you happy). Both feelings are the exclusive possession of the same @, or as the saying goes, “the one who wants does not hurt, but the one who can" (and that power is granted by you).
But let's look at some other things that couples therapy can do for you:
- You have communication problems : either because you do not understand each other with your partner and you argue frequently, or because communication is increasingly scarce, Aidé's couples therapy will help you detect where the problem is and the necessary skills to solve it ( self-control, assertiveness, empathy …)
- There has been an infidelity : the “third parties" can be an indication that the relationship is broken, but also sometimes, they can be the turning point for the couple to evolve in a positive way, overcoming the crisis, leaving behind grudges and setting the bases of a new, healthier and more satisfactory relationship for both.
- You feel jealousy and distrust : pathological jealousy is not a sign of love, but of possession and insecurity. Remember: “you only keep what you don't tie “ (Jorge Drexler).
- You are no longer passionate : we know that you are not always going to be in the phase of infatuation or “ temporary mental insanity " but when you no longer feel like sharing intimacy with your partner and this is also noticeable in bed, it is time to ask for help. It is important to identify what is behind it to rekindle the passion and not take the relationship for granted. Dear me: You have to work it out!
- You are going through a period of change : a new job, an illness or death, difficulties related to fertility, parenting itself … Any situation that is a source of chronic stress can take its toll on your relationship.
- You have doubts about whether to continue in the relationship : perhaps in this case the approach is more individual than that of a couple, but a couple @ terapueta is the person who will be able to accompany you more fully in making decisions.
- You are fine with your partner but you want to be better : just as we remember the doctor when something hurts us, the figure of the couples therapist illuminates us when there are problems, but without a doubt, the best work is the one done from abundance. Being well, we want to be even better: it is a joy to work from this point, to arrive at what I call “the superlative couple”.
It would be very interesting to have an emotional education that from childhood helps us to manage our emotions and thus facilitate our interactions, especially those of the couple, but while this scenario arrives, couple therapists are here to inform, guide and accompany us towards a full life as a couple.
Frequently asked questions about couples therapy
What is couples therapy?
It is a therapeutic process of accompaniment to which we go when we want to improve our relationship as a couple or when we feel that we lack personal resources to solve marital differences. Our relationship does not have to be in ICU to go to therapy. In fact, this is usually more effective and enriching, when it is not reached in “critical condition".
What is done in couples therapy?
First, the state of the relationship and its members are evaluated, then to establish a work plan in those problem or improvement areas, and based on that plan, provide the couple with skills for self-knowledge, for management of conflictive situations and ultimately, for the enrichment of their relationship.
Is couples therapy expensive?
This is very relative … How much is it worth to regain the connection in a relationship? How much would you pay to improve your conjugal day-to-day? Couples therapy, like any other, is an investment in oneself and in a common project (not only financially, but also in time and effort). And it is expensive or cheap depending on who values it. Regardless of this, the cost of the sessions usually ranges between 60 and 100 euros (depending on the professional, place, and way of planning the sessions)
When do you have to go to couples therapy?
Let's see the most frequent reasons for consultation:
– You have communication problems
– There has been an infidelity
– You feel jealousy and mistrust
– You are no longer passionate about your partner and you have sexual difficulties
– You are going through a stage of changes
– You have doubts about whether to continue in the relationship
– You are fine with your partner but you want to be better